Sharpie Fumes Make You See Stars

i am often amazed at my own personal growth, at least i am when it is finally obvious... it feels like i marked it on a kids chart next to that chubby, mischievous monkey(i prolly even was on my tippy toes knowing me), and now i'm up to the giraffe who's silly and wearing a scarf...i really have learned a lot this last year on how to be happy or rather how to be genuinely happy. i've always been pretty good about keeping up that happy appearance, the cheerful martyr it would seem at times. I've spent a great deal of time teaching myself to be greedy, and comfortable with it, to put my needs and wants first and actually mean it with out hurting too many others in the process. i know i am still very much an altruistic person though, that i can never change about myself regardless of how much i try or get hurt. i think some days i must have the heart of a lizard, as it keeps regenerating those lost and broken off pieces, i guess it's just a cycle, like everything else in life. i have to be honest though, it still hurts when those pieces go missing or do break, i think with all of this happiness it probably hurts more. it's odd to think that after all of those years of telling other people not only to live life and acknowledge their real feelings but telling them how to as well, that i am finally learning how to feel my own. it's like i've been reading the same book for 20+ years and i could tell you everything about it, but it is only now that i really understand what has been coming out of my mouth so instinctually this whole time, damn i'm gonna miss being a Vulcan!
in other news, i've been diligently working on a mix involving "stars" and thanks to this hard work i got super inspired and motivated and now i have amazing shoes, i just need to find amazing laces for them!