Warning! Rambling ahead!
it seems as if i've been very thoughtful and reflective the past few weeks, since turning 25 really... i am some where in between happy and lonely, it's a hard balance to work out.... but some how i'm managing to , if only just barely...i've been listening to a lot of music since coming home from The Dresden Dolls show the other night, ah what a good show it was, though i could barely stand the audience. it made me miss being at Dante's for their first portland concert, there i was with maybe 20 other people, some of them such very close friends... ahhh nostalgia.. how it hurts and feels so good, i guess that's just more of that balance thing eh?
ok, ok, back to the music... i've been trying to really absorb a lot of new (to me) stuff, just sorta cram it into my soul and hope it fills what ever holes there may be that need filling. some songs just make me ache on the inside, but they give me that feeling of crying with out having to actually do it myself... some of them make me want to sing just so i know i'm alive. one or two of them make me want to just move my body and dance until my knees give way....
all of this has me exhausted physically and besides giving me a fuzzy day dreamers head i'm doing quite well emotionally... if i could keep my head out of the clouds maybe i wouldn't keep losing things, so far since turning 25 i have lost a set of keys and a bus pass, when i'm not completely losing things i'm just misplacing them for odd amounts of time things that are important like my ID, or my glasses (they were missing for a day!) or the other set of keys...
just whatever i can lose it seems i am....
maybe if i wasn't so busy looking for myself then i'd be more observant of these things...
i guess the good thing about self reflection is that while looking inside of myself i have been drawing the outside half... i am very happy with what my wonderful hands have managed to come up with so far!
If all else fails this self doodling has very certainly helped me to really cut back on my narcissistic tendency to peek and peer and sometimes just stare at myself in bus windows and the reflections of rainy day shop displays...i guess i am always looking for my other half... but alas i feel as if i am a scratched and broken record doomed to repeat myself....
but i suppose it is for this feeling that i have the playgrounds and swings to keep from really worrying where that other half is... it's nice to know that the playground will always make life a little more manageable; like it's not quite the end of the world....
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