It is really the late dregs of the night on April 15th 2010 and this is my recollection from the beginning of March until the end of April 2008, i just need it down somewhere and out of my head, maybe it will fill in blanks for those of you who know me.
Spring 2008
much the same throughout the pregnancy David decides about every two weeks he wants to be involved, and then backs out again, lather, rinse, repeat until your hair falls out....
March 1st
The amazing baby shower happens
David insists on being there, i say ok, he makes dramas just prior and does not actually attend. Ann and Sherry are avoiding him so they show up late after hanging out at Starbucks; Ann was supposed to be in charge. Sigh. i am surrounded by so many people i love and adore and who i know adore me, i feel confident in the village i have helping me to raise this baby.
March 10th
Amy moves back to Illinois
March 17th
David gets picked up for a concealed weapon and released being told if he can keep his nose clean for 30 days no charges will be pressed.
March 26th
i narrowly miss being hit by a car; my messenger bag takes the brunt of the injuries
We start on Lil Miss's room, let the clouds roll in!
April 7th
Today is all sorts of wrong that i don't tell people about.
A very drunken David shows up at the apartment, we'd arranged to talk previously when he was sober, end result? i have a knife held to my throat by the father of my child, before he will leave he tries to force himself on me, i manage to kick him down the stairs, he leaves. i hope this is the last of things. it is also the last time i'll kiss or have any sort of adult physical contact for almost exactly two years
April 10th
the night terrors and nightmares i expected to show up at some point finally do, they remain with me off and on for about a year, i wake up in a cold sweat and a minute later David sends me a text message threatening to commit suicide.
i call immediately, because that's who i am, i talk him into coming over so i know he won't hurt himself, he paints clouds on Lil Miss's wall, they are violent and i later repaint over them.
April 15th
i talk David into getting some counseling, he seems so optimistic, he says to me- "Only two more days of looking over my shoulder, then we'll have nothing to worry about, I want to be in your life, I want to be Minnow's father, I want to be a good person, a positive influence, most of all, I want to be OK."
April 17th
things still seem to be going well, i have plans to go to the beach for the weekend and take maternity pictures! i even ask David if he will take a few so that lil miss has them for when she is older. he agrees. i tell him i have to be at work then it's off to my parents since we want an early start on the coast, but that i will respond as much as possible to his texts, especially as he is supposed to call the court today to see if they have dropped the charges. sadly my phone dies at work and i am unable to respond, by the time my shift is over and i get home there are dozens of messages that start out fine and then he starts questioning everything, the messages end up psychotic.
David threatens my life and that of my family, i hurry to my mother's, the threats continue, i call nonemergency to let them know about the threats and they tell me to call back if he actually shows up.
He does, the short version is the cops arrive, he pulls a weapon on them, is slammed to the ground and taken away, i watch the whole thing from a window, tears in my eyes, and holding my stomach. this is not how my world is supposed to be.
April 18th
i am forced to file a restraining order, my day at the beach has been ruined, my life is not anything i ever expected it to be, the state presses charges for me. i am not happy. but i press on and let very few people know what has happened.
April 20th
my last day at work before the baby!
April 26th
Sherry returns and accompanies me on my postponed beach trip, i know this has to happen, the baby is due so soon! i have a great time and the pictures turn out wonderfully
End of April
i get Colby as a very temporary housemate, the time we have together is wonderful and does so much good for my head, heart and soul.
Despite all of the David drama and hurt that happened from march until may the big thing that remains with me is how very, very, very lucky i am to have such wonderful and amazing friends in my life, i am so very appreciative of them, even of the ones who have since vanished by the wayside.
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